The No-Deadspin Zone

By: Den Cotton

I have let you down yet again Lima Bean Nation. I know it’s a shocker since my rants and diatribes are always so full of protein and yummy goodness. I’ve realized that I’ve not provided you with nearly enough serendipity, and for that I owe you many cans of lima beans. It just hit me like a lightning bolt after seeing this NY Times Video “Bloggingheads: Are Blogs Bad For Us?”

Well, the answer is yes damn it!! Who needs to ask such a question? Blogging is bad for us, just like every other crappy habit and vice in our lives: smoking, drinking, eating, television. Take a number!

I’m shocked you are reading this right now instead of entering rehab for your blogging addiction — which has clearly grown out of control. I barely could leave this computer long enough to ride my bike for 15 minutes.

Why? Because I want more crack!

Blogging is high-tech crack. You can’t read enough and you can’t write enough; and you know it. Blogs are everywhere! Everyone is addicted to yelling at people with their fingers, waiting for the next reply — ready to pounce with tenacious defense!

It feels good to release that frustration with someone you are probably never going to meet. You can’t wait to make a snooty follow-up comment or break out your pretentious super powers; you can’t wait to get offended so you can scream and shout at the top of your keyboard, “Fuck off,” “You’re a moron,” “I think you’re an idiot,” “Epic fail,” and last, but not least, “Wake up America!”

If someone writes a column you don’t like, you could even link your blog to it, and tell the world that they suck or that you love them — just like the latest episode of Everybody Loves Dwil. But let’s be fair, most of the time, you are just telling people that they suck.

There is no turning back now — because blogging is a way of life; it’s educational. You learn new words like douchebaggery and great phrases like “Jesus Tapdancing Christ,” from your highly-religious blogger.

I’m more of a behind-the-scenes LMAO kind of person, but I’m also chameleon-like, and can go to WTF in a heartbeat. It’s that easy. I just try to stay away from STFU since I think it’s not polite, and no one usually listens; and they actually just talk more for some reason, unfortunately.

So the question is… who is on your blogging fantasy team?

And that is your moment of serendipity…

“Dope man dope man
Hey man give me a hit
Dope man dope man
Hey yo fuck that shit
Dope man dope man
We just can’t quit”

NWA

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Den is some kind of freelance writer hailing from parts unknown and uncharted waters. His style is mostly free -- devoid of any meaningful sports knowledge -- while still struggling to find Lance. It is rumored that Den graduated from the University of Southern Indiana in the mid 90s. No diploma can be found, but he continues to receive countless alumni solicitations for cash -- so we assume that he got a degree of some variety. He is a former play-by-play announcer for several backyard basketball games. And currently, he is on the permanently- disabled list for the Stumptown All Stars of the Asheville Buncombe Adult Soccer Association over-30 B League. Don't forget to read his blog - Limabeancounter.

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